My Blog by Stephen Venters

Thursday, March 21, 2013

This is my life

Today, some 15 months after moving to Manhattan, I still get those moments when I look around and marvel, "This is my life. This is really MY LIFE!"

In the years prior, I had visited NYC a number of times and would often marvel at the people, all types, all incomes, all races, all in a fast paced, chaotic, yet purposeful, manner. Where they on their way to work? What were they thinking? What were their lives like? How did they survive in such a big, expensive, dangerous city? I wanted to be one of them. I wanted to live in a high-rise with a view; I wanted to ride the subway to work; I wanted to go out all night in the city that never sleeps; I wanted to make it here!

Not only that, every time I'd visit I would see the skyline again and would step out of the cab from the airport onto a busy street corner, I would think to myself, "I belong here." From the very first time, I felt comfortable in the energy known as New York and many times in the 10 years following did I think about moving here. But I never did, until life presented the opportunity once more and that time I seized it.

And here I am, in New York, and this is my life! I ride through central park all the time on my bike and look up at the buildings towering high over the tree tops and laugh out loud, thinking, "I'm here, I'm really here! This isn't a vacation." When I walk to lunch through the tourist filled sidewalks of midtown, I think, "They see me as a New Yorker and wonder at what my life is like living in a city like this." I am the guy with my eyes focused on my destination, moving quickly to get to where I'm going, though I still take a peek upwards on occasion.

I had to learn quickly. At first, my new life in New York had almost no resemblance to my life in St. Louis and it lead to hard bouts of homesickness. However, I've finally settled in and have regained some of my old comforts: mountain biking, board gaming, friends. Everyone said the first year is the hardest in New York and so far the second has been significantly easier. I'll write more about that later.

What I want to leave this entry with is a list of things I learned about the culture of New York in my first year. Now, I had visited here a dozen or more times before moving here. I had done most of the tourist things to the point where when I really just came to hang out with the handful of friends who lived here. I had visited most of the neighborhoods here and even knew the types of people they represented. Frankly, I thought I knew New York culture. Well, here is my list of 15 Cultural Things About NYC You Never Knew:

1. People always use straws when drinking out of a soda can. Restaurants and delis will always give you a straw with your can. This stems from the urban legend that mice crawl over the cans and pee on them either in storage or on the shelf.
2. At restaurants, you will be asked if you want "Sparkling" or "Tap" water or, sometimes, "Bottled" or "Tap". Drinking "Sparkling" water (e.g. club soda) is big in New York and most restaurants will serve it to you.
3. Stores in New York will always double bag your items, even if you only purchased marshmallows and toilet paper.
4. "Where do you live?" is the first question you ask someone you just met. Where you live, Manhattan / New Jersey / Queens / Brooklyn, or more specifically what neighborhood of those areas, plays an important role as to if they are "friend worthy" due to the simple logistics of meeting up.
5. "What do you do?" is the second question you ask someone you just met. New York is filled with career driven people and having an important job makes you more "friend worthy." Where is your office plays a part in the previous issue, too.
6. "Bridge and Tunnel" is a term that defines anyone who doesn't actually live on Manhattan Island (i.e. they must take a bridge or a tunnel to get to Manhattan). People who live in Queens or Brooklet reject this term stating Bridge and Tunnel only relates to those living in New Jersey, Staten Island, or "up state" (the 99% of New York state that lies north of the Bronx), but they aren't fooling anyone.
7. New York City is all about walking. Public transportation here only gets you so close to your destination and is often behind schedule or sometimes not even running, so many times it's faster to just walk. It's not uncommon to walk 2 or more miles a day in New York during day to day life.
8. Jay walking is the norm here. Everyone does it. You learn to watch the traffic and not the lights. That being said, there are rules to walking on the sidewalk just like driving. You don't stop in the middle, you walk to the right. Walking in tourist filled areas such as Times Square is a New Yorker's nightmare. Instead of dealing with slow tourists stopping and gawking, they will just walk in the street.
9. Your friends here really don't want you to stay with them when you're visiting New York. This is for two reasons. One, as stated above, weekends to New Yorkers are important in that they provide a break from the hustle and bustle, so playing host to a friend deprives them of that break and usually ton of energy (particularly here) and money (double so). Two, space is a premium here. Two people (or more!) in a 500 square foot apartment is cramped. Don't get me wrong, it's not that they don't want to see you, they do, surely.
10. "Getting out of the city" on the weekends, especially during the summer is a BIG thing. In fact, New York is all but empty except for tourists during summer weekends. People here work hard (12 hour days is common) and the weekends are their time to rejuvenate which is hard to do in the hustle and bustle of the city. Thus, going to the beach, on a trip, the Hampton's, or other relaxing places is the norm.
11. Also, because weekend time is premium time, first dates never happen on a Friday or Saturday night. Furthermore, if you ask for a first date on one of those nights, you've already started off on the wrong foot. In general, the third date is one you can expect to have on a weekend. Also, because free time is rare here, if the first date didn't have "chemistry," don't expect a second.
12. On many sidewalks here are large, deep holes leading into train tunnels, basement windows, or whatever which are covered by large, metal grates. Most shoes can walk across them fine, though they are slippery when wet. However, men, when walking with a lady, particularly if she is in heels, be aware that grates and heels don't work and steer them around these grates even if it means walking on them yourself. Chivalry isn't dead, yet.
13. NYC subway stations have no heating or cooling. The New York subway is a vast and complex system of underground, multi- level train depots and tunnels. Thousands of people use them a day. However, they are all open-air and subject to change based on the season. The trains themselves, however, do have heating and cooling... usually.
14. When getting out of a cab, always get out on the curb side, even if you got in on the opposite side. This involves scooting across the back to get to the other side. Trust me, it's better than being hit by a bus or having a surprised bicyclist slam into your opening door.
15. Seinfeld, Friends, and Sex in the City hit the culture of New York spot-on. Watch them again and look for the above things and you'll see them over and over.

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